Friday, June 19, 2009

Some fiction for Joe

At Joe's request, the beginning of a fiction piece:

I woke up this morning and I couldn't feel my feet. They weren't tingling like they were asleep, I just couldn't feel anything below my ankles. And it wasn't an uncomfortable or worrisome feeling. I woke up and thought, Huh, no feet. I didn't try to wiggle them or anything. Why would I? I didn't have feet.

As I lay there in the groggy state of early morning wake-up, I considered how my day was going to go with no feet. I could hobble over to the bathroom probably or even crawl, like I did that one time when I threw out my back and couldn't walk. I could scoot myself on my butt to the stairs and scooch down them like a toddler. Once I got down though, how would I get around? We had a rolling office chair down in the den. I could lever myself up into that and push myself around in that. Problem solved. I faded back to sleep for a few minutes, content with that solution.

I woke up again twenty-two minutes later, rolled to the side, stepped out of bed and shuffled off to the bathroom. It wasn't until I was standing at the sink washing my hands and looking for skin imperfections on my face that I remembered the no feet scenario. "Wacko," I said to myself in the mirror. "What?" Jack called from the other room. "Nothing," I said, "Just talking to myself." I turned away from the mirror and turned on the shower to preheat. I turned off the bathroom light and went to lie down next to Jack to wait for the shower to be ready. "Is everything okay?" he asked, using his own groggy morning voice. "Oh, yeah," I said. "Just thinking about waking up with no feet." He settled lower into his pillow and pulled me in closer. "Wacko," he said, tickling my ear with his breath. "Right," I said, snuggling into him, "Just what I was saying."


Joe said...

jack always did not how to make me feel better, whether it was a kiss on the cheek or blowing in my hair. I don't remember the last time i felt good without Jack. Not that he had always been there just that until he actually arrived I didn't know I could be happy.
Snuggling with him up against me i fell back asleep and or at least i thought i was asleep, it was more of a resting, aware of noises around me, a lot of hustle, some moaning, white noise. maybe the dog, or as usuall Jack left the tv on. I cound't get it right and worse I couldn't roll over to face Jack. I Felt him against me, his arm over my mid section but I couldn't see him.....

Noelle said...

I slipped into a dream. I can't see anything, but I realize (remember?) that I'm enclosed in some kind of space pod hurtling toward a planet. There is a steel bar across my chest holding me in. I can hear a whoosing sound in the distance that must be from my passage through the atmosphere. Whatever is powering my craft sounds like it is about to explode; there are loud wheezing and exhaust sounds. It sounds bad. I've got to fix it, or else.

My heart is racing and I try to calm it. Think it through, I say to myself in the dream. Why am I in here? What's wrong? Can I fix it? Can I contact someone? Maybe if I can turn around I can figure out what wrong.

I crane my neck around to look at the pod in the dream, and in real life, too, because the motion is enough to jostle Jack awake just a little and he loosens his hold on me. "Wha?" he says. The sound of his voice brings me back to reality. I open my eyes and see the bedroom in the pre-dawn light. His speaking has stopped his snoring, the failing engine of my dream. I hear the white noise of the shower and remember where I am.

I gently lift his arm up and slide out from underneath to stand next to the bed. "Shower?" he asks and I can tell from his voice that his eyes are closed and this is just the confirmation question before he falls back asleep. "Yes," I say quietly. "Go back to sleep."

Joe said...

I love to hear him sleeping, i love him when he is awake too but sleeping takes away all of his pain. I know he struggles through it for me. He has told me I am the only reason he is alive. And the same is true for me but not physically like it is for him. My tears start to flow as i think about what he went through. 3 years 2 mos 7 days 6 hours (I kept the count-yea cell phones- I wonder if i could have lasted that long. If I have to wait for my microwave biscuit it seems like my world will end- I did wait for him for all of that time not even thinking about what life would be without him. Just praying and hoping and watching for any sign of him.
The fact that he is back and it seems like his arm is covering me makes me want to dance. I want to take away his pain and make it my own. i want to pick him up and put him in a time machine and go back to before he signed up for......

He was so energetic thinking about what he could do, live with a purspose he said do something, mean something, Make an Impact. That was his mantra. Of course it was the perfect opportunity. They were signing up young men and although he was a little older he felt the call. He worked hard, training even before he left, learning a new language so he could understand. And to me he was even more attentive, more loving. Date nights became date weeks. Then when he left for training he would call every chance he got and he wrote everyday. What a wonderful experience to live through him as he was living life…..

Noelle said...

Now, as I walk around the bedroom quietly get dressed for work, he seems more unconscious than just asleep. Like he came back to me physically, but not mentally. I woke up without feet this morning but he's been walking around without part of himself missing since he got back.

The route to work is always the same. Same route, same drivers often, same stoplights, same petty aggravations with people talking on their cell phones or eating breakfast or putting on makeup. It's such a normal routine that I start to think about what else I could be missing.

Noelle said...

What if I was deaf? I often considered that one of the most peaceful times in my life was a time that I was sick and couldn't hear out of one ear. I don't think it was an ear infection. I've had a few of those, even as an adult. No, I think it was a bad sinus infection that was hanging out in my head. What I remember for sure is that I couldn't hear out of my left ear at all. When I went to bed at night and laid down on my right side, there was silence. No noises in the room, no sounds from the street, nothing.

If I'm deaf on the way to work, then I don't listen to the radio. I liked the satellite radio - no commercials - but I thought I could live without it. I probably wouldn't stop at the McDonald's drive-thru, although I might walk in and order if I really had a jones for a Sausage McMuffin ("trademark," I thought). I could keep my bookkeeping job; it wouldn't be too hard to accomodate with the prevalence of email and IM'ing. Would I learn American Sign Language or to read lips, or both? Now that Jack is home, would I work at all? I worked like crazy while he was gone to keep myself busy, but now that he's back and I can get a disability payment, would I keep working?

Distracted by the thought of not working anymore it seemed only a few minutes until I was pulling into the office parking lot.

Joe of Tampa said...

the worst part of the day right before I have to go into the office. Today at least I did not eat anything for breakfast so I will not have to choke anything back. This job was bad enough before when it was my only reason for getting up but now my only choice is to quit. I cannot come back here day after day after day. Especially with Jack at home. I miss him already and it has only been 20 minutes since I left him. Is he okay can he get up did I leave his breakfast in the righ place? What if he tries to call me and I don't answer? Today is the day I am walking out of this office forever.