Wednesday, June 09, 2010

A few precious moments at work

At your request (you know who you are), I present a brief view of my current part-time, temp job at the payroll company.

The main manager/owner of the company is unfondly known by my co-worker, J., and I as Crazy Lady, CL for short. Medusa was her original appellation, when J. and I are rapidly, covertly, texting unkind comments back and forth to each other about the running of the office, although Medusa really seems like just a misunderstood, slighty frazzled demi-god compared to CL and her moods.

Lately, Crazy Husband (or is it Cheating Husband?) has been around in the mornings, too. He almost doesn't count, since he stays in his office way in the back and plays Submachine all day, except for when he has to go play golf, or take a two hour lunch, or to leave early to "run errands" that will get him home hours later. CH only really comes into play when CL goes back to his office to ask him a question. Then, it becomes a shouting match where each person thinks they are speaking English to the other, but obviously must not, because neither of them act as if they can understand what the other is saying. And, like all ugly Americans everywhere, if the other person doesn't seem to understand, their method is to say the exact same thing, only LOUDER.

Crazy Lady will repeat the same sentence three times in a row, getting progressively louder every time, in order to make her point. Today, I tried to disengage from discussion, in response to a question I did not ask, but she was already ramped up to repeat the information.

"White ACH binders are for money we collect, black tax binders are for payments out." "Okay," I said and started to move away. She got louder, "The white binders are the ACH payments we've collected from the clients, the black binders are our payments!" "Okay," I said again, trying to get down the hall. "THE WHITE ACH BINDERS ARE OUR RECORD OF FUNDS RECEIVED FROM CLIENTS. THE BLACK TAX BINDERS ARE OUR RECORD OF FUNDS PAID OUT ON THEIR BEHALF!" I hear behind me as I say over my shoulder, "Got it!" and escape away with the tax check copies that I needed to file.

This was my fault. I asked, just as confirmation, if the check copies were going to be filed in the tax binders. And for the record, I was perfectly clear that the copies were not going in the ACH binders. I just wanted to alert her that I knew where these particular check copies were going to go. This was my mistake for addressing a comment to her about an organizational tool. She can't keep two opposing thoughts in her head at any one time, but she's got organizational systems, by god, and you had better not fuck with them.

Scott says I should trying saying, "Tone of voice!" like we do with the kids, but I don't think CL would understand. I truly think she's got a wiring issue, where she has to say something out loud in every possible configuration to make sure that the entire message has been transmitted. And she's already a loud person, but I think the increase in volume with each repetition is to help power the message along.

Feel sorry for her if you like - I do late at night typing this when I don't have to be near her - but know that she is truly nuts and really you should be collecting pennies to rescue J. and I from the crazy prison camp we drive ourselves to every day.

And now I've got to go. Got to rest up for tomorrow and do it again. :~)



CMPetersen said...

Repeat after me, "this will be used in a book later," "this will be used in a book late," "this will..."

Noelle said...

Oh, no kidding :). That was one of the reasons I wanted to get it written down now, so I wouldn't forget how funny/crazy it was.